Take it easy *

It's Sunday.
Everything moves at a languid pace.

Morning, I had stepped out around 8.30, tooled to a friend's friend's place, handed over a thing which needed to be given to my friend. Then I had gone to temple, had darshan & lunch and then came back. A good movie had been followed by some browsing and then I realised our home needed another week's grocery supply. So I had come out again.

Now, here I am at the supermarket pushing the cart around, mentally checking out vegetables. "Tindori - No, had them just three days back. Potatoes - Oh yeah, they are our staple diet. Okra - sure, haven't had them in the past 10 days, Onions - three big bags because we put them in everything except coffee". And thus I decide on the menu for the week. I load them in the trunk, drive out to my next stop, the video rental where I have to return our weekend viewing and take out a next set.

There is a drizzle showing off its percussion talents on my car. Traffic's slow, everyone having wound up early to start a new week fresh. And suddenly for me it's a moment of self-reckoning. I ignore Santana filling the car. I am immersed in looking back. What have I achieved so far, I wonder. What am I doing here and what have I done to be here, I mull. My life at present, looks to me like a string of chances and nothing else. Nothing has happened as planned and nothing that has happened was
planned such. I am not one of those who live life according to a plan, achieve goals that are aimed and in general lead life in a focussed manner. And as Unforgiven goes,
"What i've felt
What i've known
Never shined through in what i've shown "

I ponder whether the life lived so far had been a success or failure. I know for sure it is not a success. For a dose of luck at appropriate times has helped me. Or it could have been god's way of showing his presence to an ex-mild atheist of me. Nor my life can be called a total failure. Bar certain important events of life where I've been a loser, I've done quite well, thank you.

And then I proceed to think why a life should be evaluated, rated or ranked in terms of success or failure? Maybe we are in this game to see who gets maximum things wrong, and by succeeding we might be actually failing! Who knows! Or life may be merely a roller-coaster ride of a reality show where we forget the reality once we get on the ride. Mine's been a true roller-coaster so far!
"Last thing I remember
I was running for the door
I had to find the passage back to the place I was before "
- Don Henley

But as the doorman said, I relax as I can't leave any sooner.

* - Eagles