Bursting at the seams

People have not taken my philosophical outbursts kindly. My roommates slam me on the face. Other fellow bloggers, are a bit suave in their comments. All the same, giving fundas puts people off. Therefore I'll stop such drivel for now. I'll concentrate on more mundane things.
I am not fat. I am neither skinny. With such a frame, I've managed to develop a slight tummy. All time at desk and no physical exercise contributed to that. A fondness for cheese, paneer and cream of milk has aggravated this. These days my problem, deformation, rather, has assumed huge proportions with everybody taking potshots. I am bemused at this. Isn't everybody entitled to a slight bulge? Mine is not yet a case of "Tummytoe"(no, not a misspelt vegetable!). For the uninformed, that's a physical complication where a standing person will not be able to see his/her toes due to a tummy that impedes the view. Policemen are prone to develop it. Honest, mine's slight and I can still see my toes, when I stand and look down.
These days I can't have a meal in peace, without somebody commenting on the amount I eat. I feel, for a healthy body, healthy appetite is necessary. The girlish ways of snipping at morsels of food are not for me! Even men have taken to such habits, calling themselves metrosexuals. I prefer to be a retro. True, I should exercise. But when lying in the bed, twisting and turning, the blanket going under and pillow on top, does anybody in his/her right mind would think of getting up and strain their body?? For me sloth is bliss.

With due apologies to Frost,
When the woods are lovely, dark and deep,
Why should I travel miles before I sleep?
By sitting at a place, when I'm getting fed
Why should I trod, getting bled?

Getting back to my tummy, all the pinpricks about that have got to me. I am going mad these days thinking of ways to reduce it. Any method, which is devoid of exercise and doesn't advocate food abstinence, is most welcome. I plead fellow bloggers to tell me such ways.

I hesitantly tried some exercise too. I give below the prescription I found, in a newspaper.
"The following bicycle exercise, which targets all of the abdominal layers, will help make your six-pack pop. Lie face up and pull your knees in towards your chest. Place your hands behind your head and curl your head and shoulders off the floor, keeping your neck relaxed and elbows wide. Extend your left leg as you exhale and turn your left shoulder towards your right knee.
Exhale again as you switch legs and turn toward the other side. Try to keep both shoulders off the floor throughout the movements, and avoid tucking your chin in toward your chest. Stretch your legs long as you alternate them, keeping your tailbone on the floor and your hips as steady as possible. Perform five to ten repetitions, or as many as you can do before compromising your form or straining to continue."

I tried this, for a day. I am not able to continue to do this daily. And I am getting ribbed about this tummy of mine. Hope I don't develop a case of tummytoe. Meanwhile I'm sick of the PJs about rice shortages and about the fate of friends inviting me for dinner.

P.S: For all the nubile things out there reading this. This is just my stab at humour. Actually I am a macho hunk with washboard waist and biceps like cast iron pillars. Check me out! :-))